Please be kind to your family - part 2.
After spending two full days with my neighbours I think every family should hold discussions on what they would like to happen when they die. It does not matter if you are young or old they need to know... after all you could get run over by a bus (where does that phrase come from, how many people are run over by buses?) or you could have a faulty gas heater, or suffer some other way....
This is not a morbid thing but practical and helpful to those that are left.
If you have a favourite outfit please dont loose the shirt and tie causing panic for your relatives who have to contact every friend you ever stayed with to see if they have it.....
If you have a favourite piece of music let them know (only if it is suitable to be played in church , the vicar might not like to play 'You Sexy Thing' by Hot Chocolate (from the Full Monty) as they bring you into church...)
If you like certain hymns tell someone, same goes for readings..... Please dont give your relatives the added hassle while they have disagreements over what should be in the service.. they will have enough to think of at the time....
Suggest where you would like donations to go to...
Do you want lots of flowers... A burial or cremation....
Who do you want to have your possessions.....
It all helps your family when the time comes.
Undertakers know their job but they do need help with the details.
And please arrange to have things that you think the vicar might need ready, such as a brief life history - if you start one now it can be added to at a later date. Vicars are busy people they dont want to sit for hours trying to get the information out of grieving relatives....
For those that are left there is help available. You can call on others to help with the arrangements, there are leaflets telling you who you need to tell and what paperwork needs to be done. And then there is your mad neighbour who has experience in arranging funerals and can offer practical help....
And if at all possible arrange your own funeral. This is one of the best things you can ever do for your family and they will be very grateful.....
And I'm not going to say what else has happened to me this week.......
This time last year I stopped answering the phone for a few days and history is repeating its self. I've decided I'm going to go away for the middle two weeks of January next year and see what I have to cope with on my return !!
And now I really must go and write an ou assignment and see if I can finish my shawl for next Friday.....
posted by Wye Sue @ 2:26 pm
8 Comments:
I couldn't agree more, I have had information for my arrangements written down and discussed with loved ones after my experience with Robin, I know the hurt it can cause and the rifts if this is not done as relatives and loved ones will already be stressed without these things. I think you must be a wonderful neighbour, Sending you a hug x
Sounds like a horribly stressful time, Sue; and the warning is a good thing. Something I keep meaning to do, and I'm trying to make this Anti-Procrastination Year... Hope things get better for you soon.
I so agree that doing that advance planning is a gift to one's family -- and to the person doing the planning. At this post I list six benefits of planning your own end-of-life event:
http://westallen.typepad.com/idealawg/2006/10/7th_annual_crea.html
Another thought provoking piece of writing
This prompted a useful discussion in this household - not so much the concerns about any funeral arrangements I want - he already knew that. More about pensions and insurance policies and where they are (or not) filed.
He also knows who to contact about the stash! One of these days I must write a will.
I wonder if th trauma around a death is inevitable in our society, whatever is planned. It seems to bring out both the best and the worst in people. My own feeling is that what happens after my death is immaterial to me and should be for the benefit of those left behind. Of course problems arise if they don't agree and a phrase I have come to hate is " so and so (the deceased) would have wanted it like this". All I would wish is that whatever arrangements made had the least impact on the environment as possible. Mind you I do believe in wills. I would rather anything I had left behind (fat chance) was left to anyone rather than the Chancellor (ok maybe not anyone).
Maybe the avoidance of pain is not possible, but I take your point that the avoidance of needless distractions would help.
Anyway hugs to you from afar and maybe you should start planning next years January holiday - far away.
It's hard to face the fact that you could die suddenly, and this is really good advice. I hate to think of my family having to cope with these problems.
I hope things seem a little brighter for you soon Sue.
I wrote a will a few years ago, this is a timely reminder to update it. I've donated my body to medical science so it should take away a lot of the stress for my family.
Wise advice and one I have already undertaken but remember things in your life can change and so may your wishes so do update them !!
Do hope that life is treating you kindly now ; you sound stressed out
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