Tuesday, August 22, 2006

Why...

Why do I feel like I'm going to burst into tears ?

I've been feeling in a weird mood for a few days, reasons have been going round in my head, the main ones so far are:

9 years ago this week I found out the truth about my x and threw him out of the house, I lost a lot of money, and I still dont know what he spent it on - All I remember is that I felt so used and abused. (he even got my Dad to sell some of my Mum's jewellery so that he could spend the money...). There was talk about going to court but I couldn't do it, my solicitor said to a colleague that he had 'bled me dry'.. I now know that you can not pay your council tax for two years before they get really nasty...
I last saw him a few days before princess Di's funeral, which is how I always know dates....

And talking about funerals, since posting comments earlier I've been thinking, my count is 10 family (Mum, Dad, 2 grandmothers, 1 grandfather, 2 uncles, 1 aunt, 1 cousin, 1 second cousin), and at least 12 friends, neighbours and family friends....
Most of them were reasonable, some of them were very lighthearted, others very religious (mainly the ones at crems, when there wasn't a church service...) There is only one that I was a complete wreck at, but the one that I did most of the orgainising for and that I was expected to be all over the place for I was fine, probably because I knew what was going to be said...

It is also coming up to my birthday, not that I mind getting older, I still think I'm in my twenties, one of these days my body will tell me I'm my real age...(my hair is already giving hints!!)
I'm having the first birthday party this weekend, sharing with friends - we are going to be 135!!

I hate being untidy, even though I've known for weeks friends were coming to stay getting round to clearing up is taking ages, I'm finding every excuse known to woman for not clearing up. It wouldn't be so bad if one of them was not allergic to cats...
Problem is that I keep finding lost(misplaced) treasures that have to be looked at, so taking up more time... I just look forward to the beers I can have once the house is clean and tidy - local beer festival, (a mile walk home, uphill...no street lights... Oh the joys of living in the country!! but I wouldn't be anywhere else !!)

I feel a lot better for getting that off my chest, think FB was getting to me (F = fat B = you can guess) I just think of all the wasted time, and hasle I went through, makes me feel so stupid and used. It is only recently that I have thought that I might be ready to meet someone else - I have major problems trusting anyone (not surprisingly) I didn't have that much support from my family at the time or since, a quote from CIL - 'he did love you lots' ... sometimes I just wish I could meet someone crafty loving who would help me clean the house ;-)

And please dont feel sorry for me, I must have been very bad in a past life - sometimes I think I should do regression to see, but that frightens me too much...

And on the knitting front, I managed to sew on the cardi buttons this morning, it took less than 30 minutes and has been waiting to do for ages....
I also finished the throw, will photo tomorrow...
And I've decided not to enter anything in the Monmouth show in a week and a half, sometimes sensible head kicks in and I listen ;-)

Right I'm off to do some more clearing, or rather hiding stuff in boxes (needs must !!!)

14 Comments:

Blogger Fred said...

You're expecting to find a "crafty" person who keeps a tidy house and loves housework? You must be nutty!

9:52 pm  
Blogger Nickerjac said...

I'm with Fred who has time to waste on these things when we have far more important things to be getting on with
Hugs Nic

10:01 pm  
Blogger blueadt said...

Sometimes every thing just pile up on top of you - we've all been there.

Re housework - just do the things that people notice most - the bathroom, kitchen sink & the floor. If those are clean the rest doesn't look too bad.

Hark at her who's bathroom needs a good clean but has found other things to do this evening!

Hugs

10:35 pm  
Blogger Gill said...

A great party will soon get you back on track, I hope - as for the housework and tidying - you and me both, kiddo!

10:47 pm  
Anonymous Yvonne said...

1. Unscrew the bath panel, pile stuff underneath, put it back on, clean bath, mirror, floor and loo and that's one room done.

2. Find a local skint teenager and offer a work experience day on minimum wage - promise bonus for each major breakthrough area

3. Ask if they have any friends who want to learn a craft, get them round to help, crank up the music and have fun - provide cakes and fizzy drinks - they will need the energy! Promise to organise a craft day for them all after your visitors have gone

4. If you have spare rooms throw similar items into the different rooms so you can say here's my weaving studio and this is the dye room etc

5. Work for 45 minutes and then have a 15 minute treat break to work an occasional row of lace, eat cake etc

6. If all else fails pile it into one room and padlock the door explaining that there is a health and safety issue in that room!

And finally - if I ever manage to visit - you must promise to leave it all exactly as it is - I'll be coming to see you and not do a house inspection

Take care

11:17 pm  
Blogger gourdongirl said...

House work....Whats that? Life is far to short to chase dust bunnies around!

Friends are coming to see YOU, NOT the house. Enjoy.

Happy birthday for when it comes, xx

Take care.

11:32 pm  
Blogger Spinningfishwife said...

Cleaning is guaranteed to make you feel depressed, which is why I do as little of it as possible.

11:47 pm  
Anonymous Rhonna said...

Did I tell you I sent a Norwegian wooden rosemalt platter to my mother? The text scripted around the edge was: "Clean enough to be sanitary, messy enough to feel like home."

I realized I should have kept one for me, too. :-)

12:32 am  
Blogger Anna said...

I hope you feel better! I've been feeling overwhelmed myself recently. *hugs*

1:25 am  
Blogger Seahorse said...

I hope things look brighter soon. I think getting a bit overwhelmed now and agian is very normal.

9:57 am  
Anonymous angie cox said...

Hear ,hear Fred..anyhow Sue "You have NOT been bad in a former life don't let anyone feed you that one. I have had at least five minor breakdowns since I had Holly .Life is stressful and your real friends won't care about mess .

8:00 am  
Blogger Frankie said...

Sorry to hear you're down.
I find loud music and starting in one corner is the best way of tackling clearing up. Somehow if you get one corner tidy you feel more like tackling the next square foot. I tell myself I'll do it for 15 minutes, and it's amazing what a difference you can make in 15 minutes.
Getting help from someone else is also a good idea if you can afford it, even if it's only a one-off. At the moment we are being inundated with cleaning offers through our letter box from Polish women and girls.
In my experience age means nothing when it comes to relationships. I was 50 when I married TC (who should be called TLC).

9:20 am  
Blogger Cherry Rolfe said...

Everything we go through makes who we are.And who we are is human, not angel who never puts a feather wrong, or robot, who has no memory. I am so sorry (not for you, with you!)that you are feeling sad, but if you had not loved those people you wouldn'tbe feeling anything. Loving people who treat you badly is about your generosity, not any measure of foolishness. It is the one who is loved and cannot return that love in honesty and respect who is the fool. You have friends who love you, who want to share their special day with yours. That says a lot about you! And its all good!

11:31 am  
Blogger Rain said...

Hang in there.

Have a wonderful party.

9:29 pm  

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