Why do I feel like I'm going to burst into tears ?
I've been feeling in a weird mood for a few days, reasons have been going round in my head, the main ones so far are:
9 years ago this week I found out the truth about my x and threw him out of the house, I lost a lot of money, and I still dont know what he spent it on - All I remember is that I felt so used and abused. (he even got my Dad to sell some of my Mum's jewellery so that he could spend the money...). There was talk about going to court but I couldn't do it, my solicitor said to a colleague that he had 'bled me dry'.. I now know that you can not pay your council tax for two years before they get really nasty...
I last saw him a few days before princess Di's funeral, which is how I always know dates....
And talking about funerals, since posting comments earlier I've been thinking, my count is 10 family (Mum, Dad, 2 grandmothers, 1 grandfather, 2 uncles, 1 aunt, 1 cousin, 1 second cousin), and at least 12 friends, neighbours and family friends....
Most of them were reasonable, some of them were very lighthearted, others very religious (mainly the ones at crems, when there wasn't a church service...) There is only one that I was a complete wreck at, but the one that I did most of the orgainising for and that I was expected to be all over the place for I was fine, probably because I knew what was going to be said...
It is also coming up to my birthday, not that I mind getting older, I still think I'm in my twenties, one of these days my body will tell me I'm my real age...(my hair is already giving hints!!)
I'm having the first birthday party this weekend, sharing with friends - we are going to be 135!!
I hate being untidy, even though I've known for weeks friends were coming to stay getting round to clearing up is taking ages, I'm finding every excuse known to woman for not clearing up. It wouldn't be so bad if one of them was not allergic to cats...
Problem is that I keep finding lost(misplaced) treasures that have to be looked at, so taking up more time... I just look forward to the beers I can have once the house is clean and tidy - local beer festival, (a mile walk home, uphill...no street lights... Oh the joys of living in the country!! but I wouldn't be anywhere else !!)
I feel a lot better for getting that off my chest, think FB was getting to me (F = fat B = you can guess) I just think of all the wasted time, and hasle I went through, makes me feel so stupid and used. It is only recently that I have thought that I might be ready to meet someone else - I have major problems trusting anyone (not surprisingly) I didn't have that much support from my family at the time or since, a quote from CIL - 'he did love you lots' ... sometimes I just wish I could meet someone crafty loving who would help me clean the house ;-)
And please dont feel sorry for me, I must have been very bad in a past life - sometimes I think I should do regression to see, but that frightens me too much...
And on the knitting front, I managed to sew on the cardi buttons this morning, it took less than 30 minutes and has been waiting to do for ages....
I also finished the throw, will photo tomorrow...
And I've decided not to enter anything in the Monmouth show in a week and a half, sometimes sensible head kicks in and I listen ;-)
Right I'm off to do some more clearing, or rather hiding stuff in boxes (needs must !!!)